If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
