then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Houston, we have a squirter
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
