Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
