my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
