I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
