I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
