And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
