Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
