you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
