Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
