Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my vag is so smooth its legendary
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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