that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
