i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
