all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
