Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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