Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
