The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
