I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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