Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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