he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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