Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
