it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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