Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
