You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
