My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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