there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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