she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There r osticjed everywhere
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My feet surprised me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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