Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
