I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
