oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
