everyone is single if you try hard enough
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
