Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
