so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
