She said her name was "party"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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