I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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