i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I love you. Go after that dick
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
