this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
