1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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