hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
