A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
