You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
