Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
