I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
