I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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