And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
