Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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