Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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