Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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