...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
