Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
