Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
