I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
